Sister Mary Elephant
Cheech and Chong
TEACHER:
Good morning, class. Good morning, class. Class? Class!? SHUDD-UP!!!!! Thank you.
As you know, your regular teacher Sister Rosetta Stone is on a small vacation. However, she does send her love, and these fingerpaintings and dust cloths she’s making. I am your substitute teacher, Sister Mary Elephant.
Class, attention. Attention, class! Class? SHUDD-UP!!!!!
Thank you.
Young man, now give me that knife. Thank you.
Now class, you all know who I am, so let’s find out who you are.
Class? Class!? SHUDD-UP!!!!!
Thank you.
Now class, Sister Rosetta has informed me that your assignment for the last two months has been to write an essay entitled “How I Spent My Summer Vacation.” Who would like to read theirs before the class?
Class? Class!? Cla-- SHUDD-UP!!!!!
Thank you.
Young man in the first row, stand up, state your name, and read your essay.
STUDENT:
Who me?
TEACHER:
Yes. Read your essay, please!
STUDENT:
Uh, I don’t have it finished yet.
TEACHER:
Well then, read what you have, young man!
STUDENT:
Okay. The first day, no, my vacation, what I did on my summer vacation, the first day on my vacation, I woke up.
Then, I went downtown to a quiet job.
Then I hung out in front of the drugstore.
The second day on my summer vacation, I woke up.
Then I went downtown to look for a job.
Then I hung out in front of the drugstore.
The third day on my summer vacation, I woke up...
TEACHER:
Now that’s fine, young man!
STUDENT:
...Then I went downtown to look for a job...
TEACHER:
Now that’s fine, young man!
STUDENT:
...Then I got a job, keeping people from hanging around in front of the drugstore.
The fourth day on my...
TEACHER:
Young man? Young man? Young man!? SHUDD-UP!!!!!
Thank you.
Now class, I have a surprise for you! I’m going to read you some poems out of this lovely book of poetry. The sun kisses the morning skies. The birds kiss the butterflies. The dew kisses the morning grass. Class? Class!? Cla-- WAKE UP!!!!!