KILLER RIBS Christopher Welsh Not that you really NEED a reason to eat ribs, but just suppose you want try your hand at cooking something other than...well, suppose you just want to try your hand at cooking. BAZUBA is here to show you how to get all your buddies salivating and envious at the same time. It is time to earn your KILLER RIB BRAGGING RIGHTS. WHATCHA NEED X amount of beef ribs A big pot 2 Cokes 3 Rolling Rocks 1 large elephant* garlic 1 large white onion 2 tsp. pepper 1 tbsp. oregano* 2 tsp. salt WHATCHA DO Open one Rolling Rock, take a large gulp, set aside. Toss ribs in big pot, put on high flame. Open remaining beers, pour over ribs. Open Cokes, pour over ribs. Take another swig of your Rolling Rock, you lucky man. Roughly chop onion and garlic into a dozen pieces each. Do NOT pretend you are at Benihana's! You've been drinking. Toss veggies into pot. Add spices. Stir. Take another swig- this is hard work! Turn down the heat, get it simmering.* Toss a lid on the pot. Take your beer over to your XBOX, play Crimson Skies* for at least an hour. Take lid off pot, poke ribs with something sharp. If the sharp thing slides into the ribs, go to the next step. If not, play XBOX until it does. Use tongs (a pair of pliers will work) and grab a beef bone. If you can pull it out and the meat slides off, it's done. If not, open another beer and return to your XBOX. (Cooking sure is fun.) When it's done, fish all the meat out of the pot and lay out on a cookie sheet. IMPORTANT- before you clumsily pour BBQ sauce all over these babies, do yourself a favor and taste it first. Don't be such a Neanderthal! Clumsily pour BBQ sauce on ribs. Toss in oven. Broil till sauce goes all gooey. Serve with fries and beer! THE BAZUBA-CON WHAT IT IS WHY YOU WANT IT SUBSTITUTE WITH Elephant Garlic It's bigger and sweeter than regular garlic. Regular garlic. Oregano It makes you look like you know what you're doing. Just skip the damn oregano if you are too cheap to buy it. Simmering It's what cooks the ribs. Really hot water that is almost boiling, but it's not. Crimson Skies Some of the most fun to be had with an XBOX. Any other really cool video game. And another beer.